HORMONES

As I have had surgery twice cause of ovarian cysts, I do worry that if it occur again and that it could turn bad and make me seriously ill.

And after watching a program about milk and how it can make sick cells grow I have decided to stop consuming diary products.

Not consuming diary products will be hard for me as I love pizza, waffles and other diary products……

3 Surprising Things That Happen When You Stop Drinking Milk (Besides Improving Your Bones)

Annonser

I stalked him

Have you ever met someone you can´t forget? Quite a few year back I met someone very special. I remember the first time I saw him, I never thought he would look twice at me. But he told someone he was interested in me. And from that day on we had a whirl wind romance. He set my heart on fire and was the most considerate guy I have ever met. No one has ever made me felt as loved as he did.

Unfortunately it was a time in my life where I could not commit to him the way he wanted me to commit. And it all ended with him getting really upset with me before he walked off.

After him I met my now boyfriend, but my now boyfriend has never loved me the way the guy from my past did. Anyway a late night at my girlfriends house we started talking about people from our past and looking them up.  And there on Instagram was the wonderful man from my past.

I added him to my Instagram and went through all his pictures. But he discovered I was there, deleted me and closed his account. Wahhhhh how embarrassing!

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LagreLagre

LagreLagre

Body goals

I don´t only hope my darling will come around during the next 900 days, that is also the time I have set myself for my total body transformation.

In the next 900 days I will loose 45kg / 99,21 lbs / 7 st 1 lb.

I don´t know how my body will change, what I will be able to transform. Will I get saggy skin? Will I get lots of wrinkles and look twice as old as I am?

I have never put myself first, or done what I wanna do with my life. But now it´s time for me to get fit and get the body I want.  I will become the best version of me.

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1 800 days from today my darling will be given the ultimatum of whether he chooses me. I have lots of work on several levels ahead of me and I can´t wait to start!

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Pictures are from google pictures

LagreLagre

LagreLagre

Going grey

I have started going grey so I color my hair each 3rd to 4th week to keep it in a dark brown color. Putting all those chemicals into my hair so often does worry me. I have therefore searched for a natural ways of coloring my hair. But I have yet to find a way to naturally color my hair, as I want to use a color that will cover the most resistant grey and that does not come off when I wash it.

But lately I have noticed pictures of young girls coloring their hair white and they look fantastic.

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What if I instead of coloring my hair brown actually worked with nature and colored it white and with the make up I daily wear, will having white hair instead of brown make me look older?

100616-kylie-rose-gold-hair-tout.jpgOr could the white hair be an asset?

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Maybe a white hair color does not age us as much as we think?

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Maybe white hair would rather make a grown up woman light up and stand out? Especially if it was long and fluffy (don´t even get me started on the prejudice some have that older woman should´t have long hair).

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Or even short hair would do………

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Should or shouldn´t I? This is a new thought for me. And I need more time to think about it before I decide. In the meantime I have added Kylie and Kim Kardashian on my instagram.

All pictures are from Google pictures.

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LagreLagre

LagreLagre

Do you love me baby?

You meet me at a though period of my life when I was beaten and weak. When I played I am the invisible game. I was a people pleaser and meeting you. You yourself and also letting your relatives taking advantage of me. Being abusive and acting degrading towards me to make themselves feel.

I let myself go. I was their garbage bin and ate the feelings of degrading and hurt and got fatter and fatter.

Yes my love I hear you how you install in my head. That woman who is young is more beautiful, as the beauty of youth triumph every thing. I know you say it to put me down with saying I will never have that again, and therefor I am now less worthy.

Need I to remind you my dear that you are even more overweight than me, and you are older to than me!

I do no longer believe in the limitations you put on me or on our relationship. I do no longer believe when I am told I am nothing, I never did and now less than ever accept that your relatives acts degrading, bullying and rude towards me. I believe that this is actually a big challenge for you my dear in your life, whether you will be able to stand up and choose love. Or if you forever are going to be your relatives servants.

I want commitment, I want the ring from you my dear, I want to be your bride and your wife. The one you are loyal to and love.

I have decided to give it 900 days from today where I am going to transform myself to become the person I want to be. Will you start seeing me and commit to me in marriage and  love me forever?

LagreLagre

NOT YOU

Many years back when I met the man I am with today, I came with a baggages of past hurt. I was striving with the feeling of wether I was good enough. And from the beginning of my relationship and up to today I never stood my ground. When I first meet his relatives, he let them, just as he did himself walk all over me. I have cried so many times.

But the beginning was nothing compared to what was to come. While I in my naivety believed we would grow close in love and happiness, but I was wrong. The first few steps of not being treated with dignity and love was just testing the ground.

I still feel confused as I still does not want what happened to be the reality. I wish it had been different. I wish I had been loved. But me being the only one being blind to the reality, and lying to myself has had an devastating effect on me.

Denying the negativity thrown at me, I ate to numb and escape the reality and pain. And as I ate more and more I put on more and more weight. Which made me feel disgusted at myself, and made me hide away saying to myself they where right about me all along.

Me denying the way I was treated, as I so desperately wanted things to be good, wanted my boyfriend to love me like I loved him and be as serious about me as I was about him. And having the same strong love for me as I had for him. Me denying that reality has given me layers and layers of fat with stuck emotions.

Now I need to find the strength to love myself enough to face reality. To loose the fat and the emotions that got stuck in my body cause I didn´t face reality but lied to myself.